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Writer's pictureNicole

How to say "NO" to the Motherhood Mandate like a boss

In case you can’t tell, I’m currently binge-watching the latest season of Grey’s on Hulu and it’s bringing back all the feels from drama long past. I’ve been thinking about all of the moving monologues that made the show famous, and I have to say, Arizona Robbins lands one of the great ones when she lets Callie have it in season 6: “I’m going to say this once and then I’m not going to say it again. I’m not broken. I’m not some psycho trauma. My lack of interest in having a child is not some pathology that you can pat yourself on the back for having diagnosed. I like my life. I like it the way it is.”



Arizona is sick of Callie insisting it “doesn’t make sense” every time she says she doesn’t want children. Callie selfishly wants to have a baby and can’t understand why Arizona — a paediatric surgeon who spends her days caring for children who adore her — wouldn’t want a child of her own.


Callie’s mindset is a popular one. She dreams of being a mom and can’t understand why any woman wouldn’t. She assumes something about motherhood is scaring Arizona — that there’s something “wrong” with her that they can identify and fix. When Callie learns that Arizona’s brother died when they were young, she thinks she’s found her trigger. Arizona must be scared that, just like her own parents, she too would risk losing her child. After all, she takes care of desperately ill children all day, and watches many of them die. When Callie “diagnoses” Arizona with this fear, Arizona launches into her tirade.


Yet again, Grey’s Anatomy shows how the people we love — even progressive, open-minded people — can reinforce traditional beliefs. Even bisexual Callie, who rails against all sorts of stigmatization on the show, is here guilty of assuming that all women want children, no matter how fiercely they deny it. And so the “motherhood mandate” rears its ugly head, proclaiming that every woman will eventually want kids and follow through on that desire.



But when Arizona comes out on top with her strong, confident monologue, she’s showing women who don’t want to have children — at all, ever — that their choice is valid too. There’s nothing “wrong” with them, no problem that needs to be “diagnosed” or past trauma that needs to be “fixed.” Rather, both Callie and Arizona’s outlooks are valid. Some women will be excited to be moms and others will live happy, fulfilled lives without children.


So, I raise my sangria glass in salute to early-days Arizona, and wish her many serene, child-free days on the beach in Spain:



I know I wasn’t the only one rooting for Arizona while she stood her ground. Was anyone else rolling their eyes and groaning with traditionalism-induced frustration just a liiiiittle disappointed when she wound up with a kid?

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